Jennifer, a dedicated program director with ADHD, had been eyeing a promotion for months. But on Friday, she walked into work and froze. Tears welled up as she realized: she missed the application deadline. Between a second baby and a husband chasing a midlife startup dream, Jennifer had been holding everything together—except herself. Drenched in guilt and shame, she didn’t ask HR for an exception. Instead, she called off sick.
Jennifer felt disempowered. Not just by the stress of her current life, but because of the underlying lack of self-worth. A lifetime of feeling like everyone else’s needs were more important than her own was finally coming to a head.
ADHD and pleasing people are deeply connected. Because of the desire to please others over yourself, you quickly learn to listen to the little goblin voices inside your head saying: “You don’t deserve it; you didn’t earn it; you will not succeed.” If this sounds like the story of your life, let’s talk about the signs that people-pleasing is draining even more of your power than you might realize.
Growing Up ADHD
Growing up with ADHD, you hear a lot of messages. Being told you are “lazy” or that you “only apply yourself when you want to” leaves scars. While they might be invisible to the naked eye, the cuts remain underneath the surface, often damaging your self-worth. It can be harder to say no, to set boundaries, and to ask for what you need. What results is a tendency to please others. Not out of a desire to be nice, but out of a need for approval, validation, and acceptance.
As a result, many people with ADHD become people pleasers. People-pleasing is, by definition, an act of feeling powerless. You don’t feel worthy of setting boundaries, saying no, or asking for what you need. At the end of the day, week, month, and year, you feel drained. What results is burnout, depression, and sometimes addiction (often in that order).
Feeling powerless is dangerous. For Jennifer, her self-blame resulted in not fighting for what she wanted, which meant not getting what she wanted. Once you understand how people-pleasing quietly robs you of your power, you can start reclaiming that energy and investing it where it truly belongs—your own potential.
Signs People-Pleasing is Draining Your Power
Lying
Lying is common in ADHD individuals. Rather than an act of manipulation, lying is used to self-protect by telling people what you think they want to hear. The problem with lying is that it stems from feeling powerless. When we lie, we do so because we are afraid of hearing the criticism. But research shows that the act of lying decreases self-esteem and connection in relationships; as an act of feeling afraid to share your truth (i.e., forgetting to pick up the laundry), a lie ends up doing more harm than good. With a few exceptions, the outcome of telling the truth is almost always more empowering than keeping up with lies.
Conflict Avoidance
When we avoid being assertive, we practice powerlessness. Passive communication styles cast you in the role of a victim. When Jennifer left work, she didn’t want to face reality, causing her to not ask for what she needed. Only through self-advocacy and confidently addressing issues head-on do you reclaim your power.
Burnout
Feeling burnt out is often a huge red flag for powerlessness. To get to a place of burnout, you’re almost always neglecting yourself. You’re overworking, undersleeping, and likely not having very much fun. The common thread motivating all these behaviors is the sense of being powerless to build structure, make changes, or create space for your own mental health in your life.
Reclaiming Your Power
The best tool for reclaiming your power is speaking up. Sometimes this means verbally asking for what you need, other times it means taking action toward valuing yourself (things like leaving work on time or not rushing to fix a problem for someone in your life that they can fix for themselves).
Final Thoughts
In starting ADHD counseling in Columbus, Ohio, Jennifer learned that it takes less effort than it feels to reclaim your power. Taking charge of your emotions, mental health, or success starts with small, consistent choices—like speaking up at work, taking a break when you’re overwhelmed, or saying no without overexplaining. Each act sends a message to your nervous system: I matter, too.
Key Takeaways:
- The lived experience of ADHD impacts self-esteem
- Lower self-worth causes people-pleasing
- People-pleasing drains your power
- Signs of power-depleting people-pleasing include: conflict avoidance, lying, and burnout
- To reclaim your power, make small daily choices that align with higher self-worth
Begin Adult ADHD Treatment in Columbus, Ohio
Looking for more individualized support? You don’t have to feel so bogged down by people-pleasing. ADHD-focused therapy can help you find your voice and confidence. Our counseling practice in Columbus, Ohio has caring therapists who specialize in ADHD testing and ADHD treatment. To start your counseling journey with Focused Mind ADHD Counseling, follow these simple steps:
- Fill out the contact form to schedule a free 15-minute phone call.
- Meet with one of our caring therapists.
- Stop feeling overwhelmed. Start finding your power.
Other ADHD Services Offered at Focused Mind ADHD Counseling
Adult ADHD treatment is not the only service we offer at our Columbus, OH counseling practice. At Focused Mind ADHD Counseling, we offer a variety of mental health services, including ADHD testing. As an adult with ADHD, we know you may also benefit from anxiety treatment for ADHD, counseling for men with ADHD, couples therapy forADHD, or depression counseling for ADHD. You can also view our blog for more resources and helpful info.
