Daniel hurried through the front door of his house in a good mood for once. He stayed a little late at work and finally marked a big project off his list. His positive mood changed when he saw the look on his wife’s face: “Uh oh, I forgot to text that I’d be late.” His heart sank as the conflict began. Daniel began to defend himself, and everything got out of hand. Some shouting, a few tears, and a lot of Daniel shutting down…he just felt so misunderstood. Both partners knew something wasn’t working, but neither was aware how much ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and emotional regulation were impacting their relationship.
Emotional Regulation Challenges in the ADHD Brain
How often have you wondered if you experience emotions more deeply than others? If you have ADHD, you may have 
noticed that it comes with intense emotions. These heightened feelings aren’t necessarily destructive and can also enhance your intuition, empathy, and creativity. This might explain why many artists, entrepreneurs, and innovators have ADHD. However, managing these emotions can be challenging.
Dr. Russell Barkley often discusses how the brain networks affected by ADHD play a significant role in emotional regulation. Imagine a highway connecting the frontal lobe of the brain to the instinctual and emotional brain. For most people, this freeway is clear and easily navigable, allowing for smooth information transport. In contrast, individuals with ADHD experience a traffic jam on this highway—complete with construction delays and no rest stops. As a result, their emotions often fail to be processed adequately, making it difficult to translate feelings into intentional actions.
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
Daniel and his wife eventually met with an ADHD Couples therapist in Columbus, Ohio, who educated them on something called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). RSD causes an intense wordless pain at the mere possibility of rejection or disapproval. It is common in 99% of people with ADHD. When Daniel felt criticized, self-defense was a knee-jerk response. He felt literal pain when his wife was upset with him. The truth is that RSD hurts; it hurts so much that you would rather avoid conflict than experience disapproval. That’s why it’s called “dysphoria,” a Greek word meaning unbearable.
The Impact on Intimacy and Connection
Sometimes, emotions are experienced so differently between a non-ADHD and ADHD partner that it negatively impacts empathy and understanding. Because people with ADHD struggle with all types of emotions, sadness, fear, and shame are all experienced with great intensity and depth. If you’re dating someone whose brain works differently, a longterm pattern of disconnection might begin if the right tools are not in place.
What Helps: Emotional Regulation Strategies for ADHDers and Their Partners
When Daniel and his wife began couples therapy in Columbus, Ohio, they learned that there are three factors to consider: ADHD-partner, NON-ADHD- partner, and the relationship. Each one needs their own strategy. For ADHD individuals like Daniel, it can help to gain more mastery over emotions. He learned to label emotions and talk about his emotions. The next step is learning “pause techniques,” such as those taught in mindfulness classes. For non-ADHD partners like Daniel’s wife, she learned to set boundaries and make requests of Daniel without invalidating Daniel emotionally. The best way to work through the unique impact of ADHD and emotional regulation on any relationship is through ADHD-focused couples therapy.
Key Takeaways
- ADHD brains struggle with emotional regulation due to the brain’s wiring.
- Emotional regulation differences can cause intimacy and empathy.
- Both the ADHD partner, the non-ADHD partner, and the relationship itself need tools to improve regulation, connection, and communication to thrive.
Start Addressing ADHD & Emotional Regulation with Adult ADHD Treatment in Columbus, Ohio
Looking for more individualized support? You don’t have to feel constantly misunderstood. ADHD-focused therapy can help you manage fear and build confidence in your relationships. Our counseling practice in Columbus, Ohio has caring therapists who specialize in ADHD testing and ADHD treatment. To start your counseling journey with Focused Mind ADHD Counseling, follow these simple steps:
- Fill out the contact form to schedule a free 15-minute phone call.
- Meet with one of our caring therapists.
- Stop feeling out of control. Start regulating big emotions and feeling more understood.
Other ADHD Services Offered at Focused Mind ADHD Counseling
Adult ADHD treatment is not the only service we offer at our Columbus, OH counseling practice. At Focused Mind ADHD Counseling, we offer a variety of mental health services, including ADHD testing. As an adult with ADHD, we know you may also benefit from ADHD testing, anxiety treatment for ADHD, counseling for men with ADHD, couples therapy for ADHD, or depression counseling for ADHD. You can also view our blog for more resources and helpful info!
