After her twins threw an epic tantrum, Julie sat down, head in hand: Other parents seem to handle this—why does it drain me so much? When she saw her ADHD therapist the next day, she felt validated knowing that feeling tired isn’t a character flaw. The reality was that parenting taxes the very brain systems ADHD already struggles with: executive functioning. This blog explains how executive functioning impacts parenting and how to cope.
What is Executive Functioning?
Executive functions are the brain’s management system. They are the skills that help you plan, focus, organize, and regulate emotions. In adults with ADHD, this system works differently from that of those without ADHD. This means everyday tasks that require structure and follow-through often take significantly more mental effort than people realize.
Here are some of the exact parts of the executive functioning system:
- Working memory: the mind’s ability to hold onto new information
- Self-control: things like impulsivity, oversharing, calming big emotions, and blurting things out in conversation,
- Task initiation: getting started on daunting tasks or mundane
- Task completion: completing projects through to their completion
Executive functions help us remain calm in a storm. When they are taxed, it’s easy to get overwhelmed, creating…
Sensory Overload
The brain uses executive functions to manage our response to our environment. When the situation is loud, chaotic, or noisy, we get overstimulated. That’s hard for parents, who are in that situation, literally all the time. As a result, many parents get irritable with their children or are easily overwhelmed. This hurts self-esteem. Leading to a strong…
Inner Critic
ADHD parents often carry lifelong narratives of feeling “not good enough.” Let’s be honest: you’ve likely compared yourself to other parents and think they have it “all together.” This tends to deepen shame and guilt, which only leads to parenting burnout. This exhaustion is a signal that more support is needed, not a failure.
How to Cope Without Adding More Onto Your List
1. Externalize the Load: People with ADHD have a hard time offloading. In a sense, it’s a form of asking for help, which is hard when you believe you need to “have it all ” But offloading is one of the best tools for reducing overwhelm with ADHD. Consider using visual systems, routines, and reminders to offload your brain.
2. Reduce, Don’t Optimize: Maybe you’re not failing because you can’t get things done. Maybe there’s too much to do and not enough time. Many adults with ADHD succeed when they consider what they can offload or (drum roll) not do at all. While this might feel like defeat, it’s not. Burning out and breaking down are signs that you might be juggling too much.
3. Build in Guilt-Free Recovery Time: people with ADHD only have so much energy to give. We need breaks and rest time to recharge dopamine stores. If burnout and overwhelm are dragging you down, it’s a signal to rest. The hard part is not feeling guilty. Few people with ADHD recognize that their guilt for downtime is often unwarranted. Consider rest a form of preventive medication, rather than a guilty pleasure. Your brain will thank you later.
A Different Definition of “Good Parent”
Adults with ADHD often set an impossibly high standard for what it means to be a “good parent.” It’s not enough to show up. You feel constant pressure to be a perfect one, especially if you’ve spent years being told you do things differently.
While it’s true that ADHD means your brain works differently, that only means you need different types of support. The goal isn’t to be the perfect parent (no such thing exists anyway)—it’s to create enough inner calm and self-trust to parent with consistency and emotional availability. That means taking care of yourself and getting ADHD friendly systems in place. This
makes the space for a loving and healthy relationship.
Begin Adult ADHD Counseling in Cleveland, Ohio
Would you be interested in more individualized support? You don’t have to live a life feeling anxious at social events. ADHD-focused therapy can help you find mental calm and confidence. Our counseling practice in Columbus, Ohio, has caring therapists who specialize in ADHD testing and treatment. To start your counseling journey with Focused Mind ADHD Counseling, follow these simple steps:
- Fill out the contact form to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation.
- Meet with one of our caring therapists.
- Stop feeling burnt out. Start finding your confidence and calm.
Other ADHD Services Offered at Focused Mind ADHD Counseling
Adult ADHD treatment is not the only service we offer at our Cleveland, OH counseling practice. At Focused Mind ADHD Counseling, we offer a variety of mental health services, including ADHD testing. As an adult with ADHD, you may also benefit from ADHD testing, anxiety treatment for ADHD, counseling for men with ADHD, counseling for women with ADHD, couples therapy for ADHD, or depression counseling for ADHD. You can also view our blog for more resources and helpful info.
About the Author
Billy Roberts, LISW-S, LCSW, is a licensed psychotherapist and ADHD expert in Columbus, Ohio, specializing in ADD/ADHD in adults. He has been seen in Time Magazine, CNN, HuffPost, and Forbes discussing his unique approach to ADHD-focused therapy. See Full Bio.
