Neurodiverse couples are no strangers to navigating the dynamics that come with differences in brain function. With the proper support, understanding, and teamwork, couples navigating the nuances of ADHD can find beauty in the differences. While
ADHD can create real challenges in marriage, it also brings unique strengths. This article helps couples understand how ADHD shows up in daily interactions—and how awareness can turn frustration into connection.
“Did you hear what I said?”
The hallmark symptoms of ADHD are inattention and distractibility. If something interests someone, their brain produces dopamine, and that “something” becomes the focus, making everything else background noise. Unfortunately, the background noise can sometimes be their partner updating them on the day or discussing weekend plans.
While there is no ill intention by the partner with ADHD, non-ADHD partners can often
feel unheard or interpret this behavior as uncaring, leading to frustration and challenges with emotional connection.
“Did you finish that yet?”
One notable strength of ADHD is the ability to hyperfocus and complete an enormous task more quickly than most people when a deadline is involved. The challenge arises when there is no formal deadline, and the task itself isn’t particularly engaging, such as housework or routine projects. It’s not surprising that procrastination and unfinished projects can be a significant source of tension in relationships, often leading the
non-ADHD partner to feel pressured or resentful about taking on the “manager” role. This shift in relationship dynamics can create conflict within a marriage, leaving the partner with ADHD feeling criticized and believing…
“I can’t do anything right!”
Individuals with ADHD can experience a neurological response known as rejection sensitive dysphoria, which is a strong, emotional reaction when one is criticized or believes they have disappointed someone, especially someone they care about. While others can often interpret this response as anger, the partner with ADHD may experience “big” emotions such as shame or guilt for letting their spouse down. These misunderstandings between partners can lead to resentment or, over time, to one or both shutting down and withdrawing from the relationship.
But This Is Not the Whole Story
While neurodiverse couples may face unique challenges, they can successfully navigate them by learning from one another, communicating openly, and leveraging their relationship strengths.
“You’re so creative.”
Creativity is one of the many superpowers available to someone with ADHD.
Outside-the-box thinking does not come naturally to everyone, and this trait can help couples leverage each other’s strengths during brainstorming or problem-solving. Find opportunities, projects, or activities that spark creativity and admire the finished product. Not to mention, body doubling (i.e., working on something alongside someone) is an excellent strategy to help with initiation and completion of projects for individuals with ADHD. Use this as an opportunity to reinforce a partner’s strengths, increase connectedness, and even check a project off the to-do list.
“Let’s go on an adventure.”
Spontaneity and a sense of adventure can be some of the most attractive qualities an individual with ADHD may possess.
Often, this brings couples together in the first place. An individual’s fun nature and exciting personality are magnetic, bringing significant joy and connection to a new relationship. Over time, this strength may become overshadowed by challenges in maintaining focus or sustaining interest. If couples reflect on these positive traits, acknowledge the beauty that brought them together, and tap into them effectively to maintain excitement and adventure in their relationship, they can truly see and value the impact this strength has on their marriage.
“I love that you love me.”
As said before, individuals with ADHD can experience emotions differently from their non-ADHD partners. While “big” emotions can create barriers in a relationship, some, such as love, can foster a unique bond and passion between partners.
Highlighting this quality in relationships can provide validation, reassurance, a sense of connection, security, and reinforcement of positive interactions. While ADHD symptoms can create unique challenges for a marriage, an individual’s strengths and qualities can contribute to a beautiful partnership when couples work as a team and see the beauty in their experience.
Begin Adult ADHD Counseling in Cleveland, Ohio
Looking for more individualized support? You don’t have to live a life impacted by big feelings at work. ADHD-focused therapy can help you find mental calm. Our counseling practice in Cleveland, Ohio, has caring therapists who specialize in ADHD testing and treatment. To start your counseling journey with Focused Mind ADHD Counseling, follow these simple steps:
- Fill out the contact form to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation.
- Meet with one of our caring therapists.
- Stop feeling like your life is controlling you. Start controlling your life.
Other ADHD Services Offered at Focused Mind ADHD Counseling
Adult ADHD treatment is not the only service we offer at our Cleveland, OH counseling practice. At Focused Mind ADHD Counseling, we offer a variety of mental health services, including ADHD testing. As an adult with ADHD, you may also benefit from ADHD testing, anxiety treatment for ADHD, counseling for men with ADHD, counseling for women with ADHD, couples therapy for ADHD, or depression counseling for ADHD. You can also view our blog for more resources and helpful info.
About the author
Gina McDowell, LPCC-S, ADHD therapist and Director of Community Engagement at Focused Mind ADHD Counseling, central Ohio’s premier private practice for ADHD. Gina has over a decade of experience with people with ADHD and their families. She has been published in peer reviewed journals, and created entire therapy curricula implemented across statewide mental health care systems. Read her full bio.
