If you have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), you’re probably familiar with missing a deadline every once in a while. When you look at what’s on your list, it’s also likely filled with a lot of work you willingly said yes to…even though you probably didn’t have time. Over time, this might lead to burnout and a lack of follow-through, a side effect of overpromising, and a specific reason that ADHD and relationship struggles can go hand in hand. This means that learning to shift the overpromise/underdeliver cycle can have an impact on time management and relationship success.
What Makes People with ADHD Overpromise?
People Pleasing
ADHDers can be big people pleasers. The reason can be that many ADHD people walk around feeling highly sensitive to rejection and negative feedback. This is so common that the field of mental health actually has a name for it: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). Many ADHD people relate to this term often immediately upon hearing what it means. And one way many cope with RSD is to say yes to everything. After all, if you say yes, it reduces the likelihood that anyone might be mad at you. However, the irony is that it often leads to a cycle of negative feedback, as having too much on your plate only leads to something falling through the cracks anyway.
Time Blindness
Another reason for overpromising is time blindness. ADHD people struggle with completely grasping time. They can spend hours on something they love and think only minutes have passed. On the other hand, they can put off things they don’t enjoy and not realize how urgent the task has become.
The Impact of the Overpromise/Underdeliver Cycle
Trust in Relationships
There is research that shows that when people with ADHD get terminated from a job, it’s less often the ADHD itself (e.g. forgetfulness) that causes the termination. It is more often related to overpromising without being honest about one’s ability to complete something or attempting to cover up a mistake to cope with the underlying fear of getting in trouble. So ultimately, overpromising can lead to more criticism, not less. However, old habits die hard and overpromising tends to increase as a result of mistakes.
Burnout
Overpromising will ultimately lead to physical exhaustion and resentment. Having too much on one’s plate (especially when it never needed to be there in the first place) can lead to a crash. What comes next might even be the ADHD shutdown, where an individual copes with their exhaustion and frustration by avoiding work completely.
Shifting the Overpromise/Underdeliver Cycle
Know Your Limits
Be real with yourself about how much you can really get done in a day. It’s one thing to be struggling with the work you have, but it’s another to be struggling because you’re also doing someone else’s work or weren’t realistic about a timeline. Take stock of what tasks pushed you over the edge into the ADHD shutdown or which ones seemed to fall through the cracks.
Communicate Your Limits
Saying no is an overpromiser’s best friend. First of all: no is a complete sentence. However, if you want to add extra, you can also be nice about it. “I’m sorry, I won’t be able to get that done in time if I take that on.” When in doubt, buy yourself time. “Let me look at my schedule” can be a great way to buy yourself some time to really check in with what’s on your plate.
Make a Plan (to Communicate Your Limits)
You may get the same people over and over again asking you to take on more. That’s the thing with overpromising. When you overpromise, someone else gets used to overasking. Make a plan for what you’ll say the next time they ask you to take on more. Remember, no is a complete sense, and you can say no nicely but firmly.
How to Stop Overpromising…For Good
Saying no once or twice is one thing. However, ensuring that you disrupt the pattern long term takes work. You’ll need a plan, and you’ll need to make a commitment to be real with yourself about what you can take on without losing control or burning out. There are also times when overpromising is a sign of a deeper issue with boundaries and self-esteem. Engaging in holistic ADHD treatment that helps you build time-management and relationship-management skills, all while learning to improve self-esteem can be highly beneficial to managing your life in a way that works for your ADHD brain.
Begin Adult ADHD Treatment in Columbus, Ohio
Looking for more individualized support? You don’t have to overcommit and feel overwhelmed forever. ADHD-focused therapy can help you set boundaries and manage your time. Our counseling practice in Columbus, Ohio has caring therapists who specialize in ADHD testing and ADHD treatment. To start your counseling journey, follow these simple steps:
- Fill out the contact form to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation.
- Meet with one of our caring therapists.
- Stop feeling overwhelmed. Start getting things done.
Other ADHD Services Offered at Focused Mind ADHD Counseling
Adult ADHD treatment is not the only service we offer at our Columbus, OH counseling practice. At Focused Mind ADHD Counseling, we offer a variety of mental health services, including ADHD testing. As an adult with ADHD, we know you may also benefit from anxiety treatment for ADHD, counseling for men with ADHD, or depression counseling for ADHD. You can also view our blog for more resources and helpful info.
