Daniel, a project manager with ADHD, often felt like he was his own worst enemy. He tried to make everyone at work happy around him but never felt like he could meet the mark. After missing a deadline, his inner critic would scream, “You’re so irresponsible. Everyone sees you as a failure.” Daniel would mentally replay the mistake for days. As a result, he might avoid meetings because he feared being judged, other times he overcommitted to tasks out of guilt for the last time he made a mistake. Daniel was unaware that ADHD and emotional regulation were a common connection.
If you’ve had similar experiences, you’re not alone. Many adults with ADHD don’t just wrestle with tasks themselves; they wrestle with their inner critic that magnifies every misstep. Because work is a prime area to get feedback on ADHD related issues (i.e. productivity) it tends to be a campground for the inner critic. Let’s discuss how ADHD and emotional regulation can result in a strong inner critic.
What Is Emotional Dysregulation?
Daniel noticed that small things at work could send him into a spiral. A slightly cold tone in a message from his boss could leave him anxious all afternoon. A missed detail in a report felt catastrophic. 
This is a good example of how ADHD and emotional dysregulation impact adults: difficulty calming down after being triggered, switching between intense emotions, or difficulty putting a mistake into a reasonable perspective. For people with ADHD, it often shows up as frustration in meetings, overreacting to feedback, or rumination long after a mistake is made. Emotions like guilt and shame begin to feel unmanageable, resulting in more negative self-talk and feelings of overwhelm.
The Role of Shame
Daniel’s inner critic wasn’t born overnight. Growing up, he often heard he was “careless,” “lazy,” or “not living up to his potential.” Over time, those harmful messages became internalized. This is a common experience for those with ADHD.
Toxic shame = a deep belief developed over time that “I am the problem.” Unlike guilt, which signals that we’ve done something wrong and reminds us to correct our mistakes, toxic shame convinces us that we are the mistake. For Daniel, this meant that every slip-up at work didn’t just feel like an error; it felt like proof that he wasn’t good enough. Because ADHD struggles to regulate all emotions, it also struggles to regulate shame.
How ADHD Fuels a Loud Inner Critic
In addition to childhood experiences, Daniel’s inner critic exists due to several common experiences among adults with ADHD:
- Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD): Many adults with ADHD struggle with RSD, an intense and wordless pain experienced when rejection is anticipated. RSD is tied to the ADHD brain and its tendency to regulate emotions and accurately perceive the potential for failure.
- Perfectionism and people-pleasing: It’s common to overperform or please others in order to avoid emotional pain and criticism.
- Executive function struggles: Missed deadlines, frequent mistakes, and disorganization often trigger shame spirals — not only because others may criticize you for them, but also because they tend to happen more often when you have ADHD.”
- Emotional intensity: The ADHD brain also experiences emotions more intensely than the non-ADHD As a result, feelings are stronger and harder to shake, so negative self-talk hits harder.
The Cost of Letting the Critic Run the Show
Over time, Daniel noticed the toll. He procrastinated out of fear, felt constant imposter syndrome, and dreaded even constructive feedback. His relationships with coworkers grew strained because he either overreacted or withdrew. Daniels’ inner critic began draining his confidence and effectiveness at work.
How to Quiet Your Inner Critic in the Moment
Daniel realized something had to change. In order for him to go after a promotion, he needed to believe in himself. Once he started ADHD focused therapy, he learned specific skills to manage his own inner critic brand. He began practicing quick strategies:
- Pause + Label: Rather than listen to the news reel from his inner critic, when it gets louder and louder, he’d say, “That’s my critic talking, not the truth.”
- Reframe: Through cognitive behavioral therapy, Daniel gained mastery over his thoughts. It wasn’t easy, but he learned to re-frame his thoughts. After months of counseling, his default mode stopped being “I always screw up,” and was instead: “I missed one step and I can fix it, I’m still good at my job.”
- Delay response: Therapy taught Daniel to pause. Because Daniel had ADHD, he often went from zero to 90 and reacted quickly. Through learning mediation skills, etc, he began pausing on sending emails or calling off work when his inner critic got louder.
- ADHD-friendly routines: Daniel was able to work with his ADHD and establish routines at work that suited him. Over time, he learned to move with the energy his brain provided and find ways to stack habits at the right time to improve consistency.
- Therapy: evidence-based tools help with managing emotional regulation. Some types of treatment that helped Daniel in particular:
-
- CBT helped him challenge distorted
- DBT gave him regulation
- ACT allowed him to practice acceptance of
- Personalized Therapy provided a tailored approach to managing his
-
- Support system: Coaching and peer support built accountability, resilience, and reminded him he wasn’t alone.
Key Takeaway
Daniel still hears his inner critic sometimes, but now, it doesn’t run the show. Daniel is in control. With practice, he’s learned to quiet the voice, regulate his emotions, and approach work with more confidence.
Begin Adult ADHD Treatment in Columbus, Ohio
Looking for more individualized support? You don’t have to live a life impacted by anxiety at work. ADHD-focused therapy can help you find mental calm. Our counseling practice in Columbus, Ohio has caring therapists who specialize in ADHD testing and ADHD treatment. To start your counseling journey with Focused Mind ADHD Counseling, follow these simple steps:
- Fill out the contact form to schedule a free 15-minute phone consulation.
- Meet with one of our caring therapists.
- Stop feeling stuck and dysregulated. Start taking action and moving forward.
Other ADHD Services Offered at Focused Mind ADHD Counseling
Adult ADHD treatment is not the only service we offer at our Columbus, OH counseling practice. At Focused Mind ADHD Counseling, we offer a variety of mental health services, including ADHD testing. As an adult with ADHD, you may also benefit from ADHD testing, anxiety treatment for ADHD, counseling for men with ADHD, couples therapy for ADHD, or depression counseling for ADHD. You can also view our blog for more resources and helpful info.
Written by:
Suzanne Case, LSW
